


Eurovision Party

by upsetslingshot



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Bickering, Eurovision, Eurovision 2019, Friendship, Gen, Slice of Life, TV Party, The Captain is like immediately in love with Sergey Lazarev
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 09:45:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19082497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upsetslingshot/pseuds/upsetslingshot
Summary: "Then, when the joik solo started and the background images started to appear, it’s safe to say Robin went feral."It's the Eurovision 2019 Grand Final and the ghosts are going to watch it if they want to or not.





	Eurovision Party

**Author's Note:**

> I had to re-watch the Grand Final for this, which wouldn't be a problem if I hadn't of re-watched it twice before and couldn't remember jack about it.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

“How many chairs are we going to need?” Mike asked.

 

“Well there’s going to be 11 of us.” Alison said.

 

“Well if we bring in the other sofa that’ll be space for 9…” Mike muttered. “And then we can bring in another 2 armchairs?”

 

“Yeah, that should be right.” Alison muttered.

 

None of the ghosts were around as they decided to move more chairs into the living room. It was they were moving the armchairs in did the first one appear.

 

“Oh, what are we doing?” Kitty asked brightly. “Are we having a party?”

 

“Er, yeah actually, kind of.” Alison said.

 

“Yay!” Kitty clapped. “What sort of party is it? A ball?”

 

“It’s not really a… ball.” Alison said. “But it’s usually a fun party.”

 

“When’s it starting? Should I bring something? Is there going to be dancing?” Kitty asked.

 

“It starts at 8, there could be dancing I suppose and you can’t bring anything anyway.” Alison answered.

 

“I’ll go and tell the others!” Kitty giggled and ran off.

 

Once Kitty had vanished Alison picked up the armchair.

 

“Well Kitty’s excited.” Alison said.

 

“That’s good.” Mike said. “Wonder how long that’ll last for.”

 

They finished setting up the living room when all the ghosts came piling into the room.

 

“What’s this about a party?” The Captain asked. “Why weren’t we informed earlier? How are we supposed to prepare for this if-”

 

“You’re not really supposed to prepare for a party, Captain.” Pat said.

 

“Oh like a surprise party!” Kitty cried.

 

“If you like.” Alison said.

 

“Really? I know what sort of parties you people consider.” Fanny snapped. “And I for one refuse to allow it in my house-”

 

“Are we watching a TV event?” Julian asked, cutting Fanny off.

 

“Yeah we are.” Alison said.

 

“Right,” Julian muttered. “A TV event? In the evening? In May? On a Saturday?”

 

“I’m guessing you know what we’re going to be watching.” Alison said.

 

“Oh absolutely.” Julian said, straightening his tie. “I was even a guest of honour in ‘82, lovely place where it was hosted; Harrogate.”

 

“If it’s what I’m thinking of, I went to that one too.” Pat said, clapping. “I loved Buzz Fizz.”

 

“I think my favourite was Yugoslavia, ‘89, Rock Me, fantastic song.” Julian said.

 

“Well, my favourite is Sweden, 2012.” Alison said.

 

“Oh yeah, I’ve still got Euphoria on my iPod.” Mike said, looking around the room but never quite landing on any of the ghosts. “I like Heroes from Sweden in 2015.”

 

“It’s a music competition, called Eurovision.” Alison explained to the others.

 

“Oh so it is a ball!” Kitty said excitedly.

 

“Er, kind of.” Alison said.

 

“Whoever creates the best song wins, essentially.” Julian summed up.

 

“Why could this not have existed whilst I lived.” Thomas gasped. “I could have done so well there.”

 

Alison hummed, not giving a response.

 

“Every European country sends a representative. It was originally created,” Mike announced, once again looking around the room but never quite at one. “To help Europe recover from World War 2.”

 

“Yeah so instead of Europe going to war every other year, we just sing our problems at each other instead.” Alison added.

 

“What a wonderful idea!” Kitty cheered.

 

“Preposterous,” the Captain grunted. “That’ll never work.”

 

“Worked so far.” Julian said. He took a seat and rubbed his hands together. “So this is our next couple of hours sorted.”

 

“A couple?” Alison said. “Julian, it’s usually on for 5 hours.”

 

“5 hours? What are they doing for 5 hours?”

 

“Singing, judging, voting. There’s a lot more countries than there was when you were alive.” Alison said.

 

“And,” Mike said, once again failing to look at anyone. “Australia is part of it.”

 

“Australia isn’t part of Europe.” Fanny said, folding her arms. “Why on Earth would Australia be part of-”

 

“Is Israel still part of it?” Pat asked, cutting Fanny off.

 

“Yes,” Alison said before anyone else could talk. “They actually won last year so it’s being hosted in Tel Aviv this year.”

 

“I believe Morocco took part one year.” Julian said. “Have they ever come back?”

 

“No.” Alison said simply.

 

“Okay then.” The Captain said. “So what time does it start?”

 

“20:00.” Alison said before catching herself. “8pm.”

 

“Which is half an hour, I’ll go get the snacks.” Mike said before disappearing.

 

“Er, nobody has any issues with rapid flashing lights do they?” Alison asked.

 

“I am the flashing lights.” Robin said, grinning.

 

“I think they’ll be a little more faster than what you can do, Robin.” Alison said. She took a seat on the double sofa, sticking her feet up as Thomas tried to sit down next to her. “This seat’s taken, sorry.”

 

Thomas frowned and slumped himself down on an armchair.

 

“Oh and somebody go grab Humphery…’s head and body, please.” Alison asked.

 

“I’ll be getting him.” Mary said and disappeared.

 

The rest of the ghosts took a seat and Mike came back, his arms ladened with crisps, chocolate, wine and glasses.

 

“Here we go.” Mike muttered, throwing everything down on the table. He then straightened up and shouted, “bigger!”

 

Alison laughed and shouted back “bigger!”

 

“Bigger!”

 

“Bigger!”

 

“What’s bigger?” Kitty asked excitedly at the exact same time Fanny snapped that a lady does not shout.

 

“That’s the UK’s entry, Bigger Than Us.” Alison explained.

 

“The UK always do well in Eurovision.” Julian said smugly.

 

Much like what she did with Thomas, Alison hummed, quite a bit louder than before.

 

“What?” Mike asked.

 

“Julian just said the UK always do well in Eurovision.” Alison translated.

 

Mike just hummed loudly in response.

 

Mary eventually came in with both Humphrey's body and Humphrey’s head.

 

“I be findings them.” Mary announced as she helped Humphrey’s body sit down and handed him his head.

 

“Oh that feels so good to have my head back.” Humphrey said, patting his head.

 

“It be for a special occasion.” Mary said.

 

“Oh, so you’re not just being nice for the sake of it?”

 

Nobody answered him.

 

“And Eurovision starts in 5 minutes.” Alison said, changing the channel over.

 

Mary took a seat and Mike started to rake through the snacks, opening them at random.

 

“And remember.” Mike said, picking up the bottle of wine.

 

“No drinking before song number 9.” He and Alison laughed in unison.

 

Eventually it came on with the familiar jingle.

 

“I’m glad they’re still using that.” Pat said happily.

 

They watched the opening cinematic, which was only punctuated with Pat pointing at the TV excitedly when some scouts appeared.

 

Then the countries started to come on.

 

“That’s The Wiggles?” Julian said when the Czech Republic were welcomed.

 

“This is ridiculous,” the Captain muttered, frowning heavily as Germany was welcomed. “No way can- oh hello?” The Captain’s eyes went wide as the crowd on TV screamed as Russia was welcomed.

 

“That’s Sergey Lazarev.” Alison said.

 

The Captain didn’t seem to any indication that he’d heard her.

 

As the announcer welcomed Denmark, the Captain shook his head and Julian smirked at him.

 

The countries continued to come out until eventually.

 

“Dana International. Dana International. Dana International!” Alison and Mike shouted, which was quickly parroted by Robin and Kitty.

 

“Diva! Diva! Divaaaaaa!” Alison sang and Mike laughed.

 

“Who’s she be?” Mary asked.

 

“Dana International, winner in 1998.” Alison answered as she the flag parade continued.

 

“So this is our best hope of winning?” The Captain asked as the UK was welcomed.

 

“Well I think he has a chance.” Alison said.

 

“Oh, yeah, go Michael, woo!” Mike muttered without much heart.

 

“Of course we’ll do well, we always do.” Julian said.

 

“Ah!” Came Fanny’s scream. “What on Earth are they wearing?!”

 

Alison turned back to the TV. “Oh that’s just Iceland.”

 

The flag parade came to an end with Nadev Guedj. Alison and Mike high-fived.

 

“He finally got to show us Tel Aviv!” Mike whooped.

 

The hosts came on and started to explain the voting.

 

“Blimey, WE can vote?” Pat cried.

 

“The GENERAL PUBLIC can vote?” Julian stressed.

 

“Yeah, we can.” Alison said. “We always vote, don’t we, Mike.”

 

“Yeah, we always do.” Mike said, once again not quite looking at any of the ghosts.

 

“I’d never trust the general public to vote.” Julian muttered.

 

“Is this about Eurovision or on your career?” Thomas huffed.

 

Julian was almost on the verge of saying a bad word to Thomas right in front of Kitty but that whole fiasco was saved by Malta starting to perform.

 

“Ah, this is so good!” Kitty said, clapping along with the music.

 

“I’m glad you like it, Kitty, I’m sure there’s going to be better acts than this too.” Alison said.

 

“I really like this one!” Kitty went back to clapping along with Malta.

 

Albania performed without issue but then it was the turn of Czech, or as Julian insisted on calling them through the entire performance, The Wiggles. Although in his defence, Mike started to call them the exact same thing.

 

“The Wiggles are a lot more fun than when I tried to listen to them last.” Mike said.

 

“See, it’s not just me who things they’re The Wiggles.” Julian said triumphantly.

 

“What on Earth is The Wiggles?” Fanny sighed.

 

“They’re a children’s music band.” Alison explained.

 

“These lyrics not be suitable for children.” Mary said.

 

“They’re not the actual Wiggles,” Julian said. “They just look like the Wiggles.”

 

“Why would they look like The Wiggles if they’re not The Wiggles?” Humphrey said from where his head was half sliding off the chair.

 

“Whatever they are, The Wiggles are capturing my very feelings when it comes to the woman I love.” Thomas sighed.

 

“Please can we stop saying they’re The Wiggles.” Alison asked. “Look, he just said they’re Lake Malawi. Not The Wiggles.”

 

There was a pause. Then.

 

“Lake Malawi is in Africa, not the Czech Republic.” From Pat.

 

Alison barely managed to stop the ensuring conversation which absolutely would have turned into an argument just as Germany came on. Unfortunately this led to a whole other can of worms.

 

“The war is over, Captain” Pat tried to tell the Captain from where he was huffing on the sofa. “You can’t have it against these two girls because of it.”

 

Fortunately Germany ended and Russia quickly brought the Captain out of his mood.

 

“He’s perfect.” The Captain muttered. “Er-” he suddenly said much louder. “His voice, his voice is perfect.”

 

Sergey Lazarev stepped forward on stage and his reflection appeared 8 times, much to the sounds of amazement from the ghosts. The Captain sat further forward, his eyes wide. He was gripping his swagger stick rather tightly. Julian’s shoulder shook in silent laughter.

 

As Sergey Lazarev finished and shouted his thanks.

 

“No, thank you for that wonderful performance.” The Captain said quietly. He then shook as he remember where he was and stiffly sat back. “He was very good.” He said awkwardly.

 

Denmark performed with the only comment being from Fanny about how good it was to hear the youth singing in four languages.

 

The San Marino came on.

 

Alison turned to Mike. “Don’t.” She tried. This did nothing.

 

“Say Na Na Na!” Mike sang, beaming.

 

“You honestly sound better than him.” Alison sighed.

 

“Stop being mean to Serhat!” Mike cried.

 

“I quite like this.” Pat said.

 

“So do I!” Kitty said as she bopped her head along to the ‘na’s.

 

Alison tried to tell Mike he had two ghosts on his side but he was too busy singing along.

 

“I’m going to have that stuck in my head for days.” Humphrey muttered as San Marino finished.

 

“That song’s so fun, it makes me so happy!” Mike said, beaming.

 

“Glad you like it.” Alison shook her head as North Macedonia came on.

 

“Now this is what I expect to see on this stage.” Fanny said. “A respectable woman, and even though the message she’s giving is partly terrible, the good parts are all done in a fantastic voice.”

 

“I think there’s going to be this and like one other you like honestly.” Alison muttered.

 

The song ended and they cut to the Green Room. There fortunately wasn’t any comments here except the Captain sighing when Germany appeared and Julian nodding wisely when Czech Republic said they won’t be the winner.

 

Sweden and Slovenia passed without incident but then came Cyprus.

 

“What a wonderous looking woman.” Thomas breathed.

 

“Indeed.” Julian purred. “Look at how high those boots are.”

 

“This... “ Mike said. “Does not sound as good as Fuego.”

 

“No it doesn’t.” Alison agreed.

 

And then Cyprus’ jacket was ripped off.

 

“What?!” Fanny shouted. “What is she wearing? What sort of unseemly, whorish-”

 

“Hey it’s Madonna 2.0.” Mike said, interrupting Fanny whether he knew it or not.

 

“Oh yeah it is!” Julian laughed.

 

Cyprus finished and it was the turn of the Netherlands.

 

Duncan Laurence had barely started when Thomas gasped.

 

“This is it.” He said. “This is the winner.”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous, Thomas, not when Russia is also there.” The Captain snapped.

 

“No, you don’t understand,” Thomas cried. “These words, these lyrics, they are simply inspired, the words craftsmanship, it is beautiful, they carry more meaning than anything could possibly. It’s-”

 

“You say if you likes the songs, Thomas.” Mary sighed.

 

“Yes, I like the song.”

 

“Good, now sit down?” Robin asked.

 

Thomas was, in fact, halfway across the room, arm outstretched towards the TV. He muttered something under his breath and retook his seat, much to the delight of everyone else.

 

“I think he could be the winner.” Mike said.

 

“You really believe so?” Thomas gasped.

 

When Mike didn’t respond Thomas said it again, louder this time. Alison made a face to ask what he was doing and repeated when Thomas had said to Mike.

 

“Yeah, definitely.” Mike confirmed.

 

The Netherlands finished and the next few songs played without incident, with the sole exception of everyone awwing when Kobi Marimi started to cry at the end of Israel’s performance.

 

Then it was the turn of Norway.

 

Everyone was bopping their heads along to this one. Until the joik started.

 

“What is that?” Thomas blurted out.

 

“It’s… Joik?” Alison said.

 

“Joik, yeah I think that’s what it’s called.” Mike said.

 

“It’s good!” Robin said, bouncing in his seat.

 

“Yeah it is pretty good.” Pat said.

 

“It is isn’t it.” Even Fanny admitted.

 

Then, when the joik solo started and the background images started to appear, it’s safe to say Robin went feral. He jumped to his feet and started to point rapidly at the screen. And speak rapidly too.

 

“Does anyone know what he’s saying?” Pat asked.

 

“I can never understand what he’s saying anyway.” Fanny sniffed.

 

“I thinks he likes it!” Mary said, grinning.

 

“He definitely like it!” Kitty said. “And he’s right, I love this!”

 

As all three members of KEiiNO came back onto stage, Robin started to talk even faster before clapping and smiling at everyone.

 

“You like that?” Alison asked.

 

Robin nodded a lot.

 

“Oh look, it’s us.” The Captain said as Norway ended and the next one came on. “Robin, sit down!”

 

Robin slumped back down in his seat. “Wanna see that again.” He muttered.

 

“Now this should be good.” Julian said, rubbing his hands together as the UK started to perform. Alison just responded with another loud humming sound.

 

They had barely gotten 30 seconds into it when Julian next spoke.

 

“I don’t like it.”

 

“Don’t be like that, he’s a good singer.” Alison tried to defend him.

 

“It’s perfectly acceptable.” Fanny said.

 

“I quite like it.” Kitty said. “It seems sweet.”

 

“That’s one way of putting it.” Julian muttered.

 

“Bigger!” Mike suddenly shouted alongside Michael Rice.

 

“Bigger!” Alison shouted back.

 

“Can you please not do that again.” The Captain asked.

 

“Fine, fine.” Alison muttered.

 

The UK finished and the screen cut back to the Green Room.

 

“There he is again!” The Captain gasped as Sergey Lazarev came back on screen. “Our ACTUAL winner of this blasted contest.”

 

“Well that’s just a lie.” Thomas said.

 

“It is not.” The Captain said firmly. He turned his attention back to the screen and anyone who had been looking at him (which is to say, everybody. Everybody was looking at him except for Mike) would have seen him grin and nod as Sergey Lazarev said he’d come back to the contest. “It’s just unfortunate he’s with the others.”

 

“Mike, Cap is being mean to Serhat.” Alison said.

 

“Where is he?” Mike asked.

 

Alison motioned at the armchair and Mike pointed harshly at it. “Do not be mean to Serhat!”

 

The Captain shook his head and turned his attention back to the TV.

 

They left the Green Room and then it was the turn of Iceland.

 

“I think we should do what Graham Norton says.” Alison said. “Fanny,” she turned to Fanny. “Would you like to go out into the hall for this one?”

 

“Certainly not!” Fanny said. “This is my house and I’m not going anywhere!” But then she shrieked as they started. “It’s them! What are they wearing? What are they doing?”

 

“Oh now this is good.” Julian grinned, drumming his fingers against the armchair, Robin nodding enthusiastically beside him.

 

“It certainly is not!” Fanny cried. “Kitty should not be watching something like this.”

 

“No, I like this.” Kitty beamed.

 

“How’s he be doing that with his voice?” Mary asked.

 

Alison shrugged as Mike headbanged next to him.

 

“What an awful song!” Fanny shouted as Iceland ended.

 

“Is good.” Robin said.

 

“Robin’s right.” Julian said.

 

Fanny grumbled as Estonia started to perform. They got through that without much incident, except for Mary screaming about witchcraft as Victor Crone’s guitar kept disappearing and reappearing.

 

They passed through Belarus and Azerbaijan too. The only thing that was said about them was Mike.

 

“When you’ve got Eurovision at 8 but you’ve gotta fight Thanos at 9.” He laughed as Chingiz shot off into the sky.

 

They got through France easily and then came Italy.

 

It did not take long for the ghosts to cotton on what to do.

 

Quickly the room was filled (at least from Alison’s perspective) with 11 people clapping rhythmically. Even Fanny, despite her look of displeasure as she did so. Unfortunately for Humphrey this was also the time when his body dropped his head.

 

“Oh, can’t see anything now.” He said from the floor. “Can anyone pick me up? No? I suppose you’re all to busy clapping.”

 

Italy ended and Serbia started.

 

Thomas gasped. Again.

 

“She is the most stunning woman…” He heaved. “Ever, I- the- the second most stunning woman ever, after you my love.” He added, turning to Alison.

 

Alison rolled her eyes.

 

“I like the staging.” Mike said.

 

“Yeah, the staging is nice.” Alison agreed.

 

“As is she.” Thomas sighed.

 

Serbia ended and Switzerland started. This was mainly punctuated by Mike trying to sing again. And then he stood up and tried to copy Luca Hanni’s dancing.

 

“I hope that’s not the dirty dancing he’s talking about.” Alison laughed.

 

Mike stopped when Switzerland ended. Then.

 

“So this is Australia?” Julian muttered.

 

“I can’t believe Australia is part of Eurovision.” Pat said.

 

This quickly turned into.

 

“Cor, look at that staging!”

 

“How are they moving like that?”

 

“Oh my god!”

 

“Are those… giant pogo sticks?!”

 

“Now she can really sing.” Mike said.

 

“Sing?” Julian spluttered. “What about those massive sticks?” Mike did not hear him.

 

“This be the best.” Mary said. “She’s dressed like a princess.”

 

“She must be up frightfully high.” Kitty said. “How exciting!”

 

Australia ended and on came the last one. Spain.

 

It was about 5 seconds in when Alison got up. “Come on, Mike.”

 

“What?” Mike blinked and looked up at her.

 

Alison shook her head and grinned. She pulled him to his feet and started to motion him to dance. Which he did.

 

The ghosts laughed as they watched Alison and Mike dance to La Venda.

 

Spain finished and Alison sat back down, laughing.

 

“Thank God That’s the last one.” Mike panted. “I’ve been dying to go since Greece.” He practically bolted out the room.

 

As the recap started to play, the ghosts started to argue.

 

“Right, so I’m sure we all know who should win.” The Captain announced as the hosts shouted at Europe to start voting. “And I’m sure we’re all in agreement that Michael and Alison must vote for Russia.”

 

“Russia?” Thomas yelped. “Surely you jest, clearly the Netherlands should win. Not only was his performance the peak of romance, his lyrics were simply inspired.” Thomas paused. “And I guess his singing was good too.”

 

The Captain swung his swagger stick towards Thomas’ face. “Now listen here, Russia-”

 

“Sergey Lazarev.” Alice injected helpfully.

 

“Yes, Sergey Lazarev is pitch perfect and clearly the superior performer.”

 

“What about Australia?” Mary interjected.

 

“Australia was all well and good until they started swinging about on those poles.” Fanny huffed. “Now, North Macedonia is a very respectable looking woman and with a wonderful song.”

 

“Oh I liked Malta!” Kitty cheered. “But what is a chameleon?”

 

“It’s a lizard that can change colour.” Alison answered.

 

“Oooh how fun!” Kitty beamed.

 

“Well I thought Cyprus was pretty-” Julian started but was cut off by Fanny shrieking.

 

“Cyprus was indecent, what she was wearing is exactly how a dishonourable woman would dress, wearing see-through, how awful.”

 

“Now what she was wearing doesn’t mean the song was bad-” Julian tried to argue.

 

“Well can you remember how it goes, Julian?” Pat asked.

 

“... well not really but that’s not the point.” Julian said. “All that really matter was- her boots were very high weren't they.”

 

“So as I was saying,” the Captain said loudly. “We must all throw our support behind Sergey Lazarev, if it’s world peace this contest is trying to accomplish, I’m certain there’s nobody more qualified.”

 

“You still believe that,” Thomas cried. “When the Netherlands-”

 

“Duncan Lawrence.” Alison added.

 

“When Duncan Lawrence is right there.” He finished.

 

“What about….” Robin said before the Captain could start again. He paused and thought for a moment. “Deer and sky lights.”

 

“Norway.” Everyone said at once.

 

“Norway.” Robin said triumphantly, as if he remembered the country himself.

 

“Norway was good.” Mary said.

 

“Oh, I liked Norway!” Kitty said.

 

The Captain coughed. “Yes, I suppose Norway was quite good too.”

 

Everyone else murmured in agreement.

 

“Yeah but,” Alison said, turning back to the TV. “We’ve got ages, let’s watch some of the intervals before deciding.”

 

Mike came back as the recap ended.

 

“And Spain!” Kitty shouted. “I like Spain!” As La Venda ended and the host came back on TV.

 

“Oh, everyone shut up!” Alison cried as the host welcomed Conchita Wurst.

 

Mike gasped. “He’s performing Heroes now!”

 

“Mix and Switch!” Alison said at the same time as the host did, ignoring Fanny’s grumblings about what Conchita was wearing.

 

“So I take it these are previous winners?” Pat asked as Conchita started to sing Heroes. “Him and the other one.”

 

“Yeah- we no, runner up of last year and 2007 are here as well, so… previous performers.” Alison said.

 

Conchita finished and Måns Zelmerlöw started to sing Fuego.

 

“See, I love Måns, but…” Mike started.

 

“Fuego-Fuego is better.” Alison finished.

 

Måns finished and Eleni Foureira came on. Alison and Mike practically screamed as she started to sing Dancing Lasha Tumbai. The Captain shoot them a look as the pair shouted “ein, zwei, drei!” at the top of their lungs.

 

Eleni finished and, let’s just say Mike and Alison punched each other as Verka Serduchka appeared.

 

“I’m not your toy! Not your toooooy!” Both of them sang as loud as they could.

 

“Those cat things in the background are… kinda creepy.” Thomas said, but was drowned out by Kitty shrieking with laughter as she watched the performance.

 

Verka finished and Gali Atari came on to the stage.

 

And much to the disappointment of everyone it wasn’t just Mike and Alison who sang Hallelujah, Pat and Julian started to join in as well.

 

The Switch Song ended and the TV cut back to the hosts.

 

It was then they revealed Madonna would be performing.

 

“So not only do they have Madonna 2.0 in Cyprus, but Madonna 1.0 in… Madonna.” Pat said, practically vibrating with excitement.

 

“Hey, Madonna 1.0!” Mike grinned.

 

“Pat just said that.” Alison laughed.

 

“Hey, he stole my joke.”

 

They TV then cut to an interview with Madonna.

 

“Why is she wearing an eyepatch?” Julian asked.

 

“I… don’t know.” Alison said, tilting her head slightly.

 

The interview ended with Alison and Mike singing along with the performers.

 

“Music makes the people come together, yeeeeeeah!”

 

Kitty tried to go along with them but unfortunately she didn’t quite make it to the tune.

 

The interval acts continued until Netta came back on screen.

 

“How many ‘na’s are in this competition this year?” Mike asked as he read the title of the song.

 

“Lots.” Kitty beamed. “Lots and lots and lots!”

 

“Best sound.” Robin muttered.

 

“She’s very yellow.” Kitty said, continuing to beam. She started to sway her entire body as she watched the performance. “I really like this! Can I vote for this?”

 

“No, Kitty, you can’t vote for interval acts.” Alison said.

 

Kitty booed.

 

The interval continued without much else until the hosts went to talk to Duncan Laurence.

 

“He doesn’t have a way with the spoken word, admittedly,” Thomas said. “But he definitely has a way with the… singing word.”

 

The Captain shook his head.

 

The interval act finally got to Madonna.

 

They all watched in silence for about 5 minutes before.

 

“She’s… not good is she.” Mike said.

 

“She’s… so out of tune.” Alison said.

 

“Queen of Pop and now…” Julian muttered. “I don’t think I can say San Marino was the worst singer tonight.”

 

“Julian’s being rude about San Marino now.” Alison muttered quietly.

 

“Don’t be mean about Serhat!”

 

“Oh.” Pat said. “Madonna was good… in 1983…”

 

All four of them winced as Madonna continued to sing.

 

“Anyway, I think it’s time to vote.” Mike said.

 

“Yeah, I think it’s best we do it now.” Alison said. “Okay, go!”

 

“Right, so I’m gonna vote for: Norway, Italy, San Marino, Spain and the Netherlands. You?”

 

“Russia, Norway, the Netherlands, Italy and Australia.” Alison turned to the ghosts. “Okay… who do you want to vote for?”

 

“How many times can you vote?” Pat asked.

 

“20 times.”

 

“So then vote for Sergey Lazarev.” The Captain demanded.

 

“I’m not just voting for Russia 20 times, I want to vote for others too.”

 

“Duncan Laurence then!” Thomas piped up.

 

“What did I literally just say?” Alison cried. “Look I’m voting for my top 5 at least twice, so that’s 2 for Russia and 2 for the Netherlands. Then you’ll all get 1 vote each and the final vote belongs to me. The same with Mike. So that means you all get 2 votes. Okay?”

 

The ghosts sighed and muttered their agreement.

 

Alison nodded at Mike and the pair took their ten votes.

 

“Right,” Alison said as Graham Norton told her she had just voted for Italy. “Now, it’s all your turn.”

 

There was a mad scramble and the Captain shoved Thomas out of the way.

 

“Russia!” He demanded.

 

“Russia.” Alison said to Mike, who nodded and rang the number. Once Alison had too she turned to Thomas. “The Netherlands?”

 

“Please.”

 

“The Netherlands.”

 

They rang the number.

 

“Who’s next?” Alison asked.

 

“Oh can we vote for Malta?” Kitty asked.

 

“Course we can.” Alison said before turning to Mike. “Malta.”

 

Once that was done it was Fanny’s turn.

 

“North Macedonia.” She said.

 

“North Macedonia.” Alison repeated.

 

Next was Mary.

 

“Can we be voting for Australia?”

 

Alison nodded. “Australia.”

 

Next was Robin.

 

“Errr-” he put hands in his head to imitate horns.

 

“Norway?” Alison asked.

 

“Norway!”

 

“Norway, Mike.”

 

Next was Julian.

 

“See, let’s vote for Cyprus-”

 

“Oh, for that harlot-”

 

“That’s really rude, Fanny.” Alison warned.

 

Julian looked at Fanny then back to Alison, a smug (smugger) look on his face. “Iceland.” He then said.

 

“Iceland?!” Fanny shrieked.

 

“Sure. Iceland, Mike.”

 

“Iceland.” Mike repeated.”

 

Once that was done, Humphrey said from the floor. “I’m going with Australia too.”

 

“Australia again.” Alison called out. Then she turned to Pat as the recaps started again. “Pat who do you wanna vote for?”

 

“I think I’ll go for Italy, I like the group activity he makes us all do.” Pat said.

 

Alison laughed. “Okay, Pat, Italy it is.”

 

Then they had one last vote.

 

“I think-” Alison and Mike both started to say.

 

“Norway.” Mike said.

 

“Norway.” Alison nodded.

 

They voted on last time just as the hosts yelled to stop voting now!

 

The hosts talked and the camera cut to Jon Ola Sand.

 

“He looks surprised again.” Alison said.

 

“He always looks surprised.” Mike responded.

 

“It would be surprising if he wasn’t surprised.”

 

Then the pair of them said in unison. “Take it away.”

 

They were quite as the hosts continued to talk.

 

“41 countries!” Julian broke the silence. “There’s 41 countries in this?”

 

“Yeah, the voting is probably going to take an hour.” Alison laughed.

 

Portugal gave their 12 points to Russia. And the Captain jumped to feet.

 

“We’ve got a long way to go, Cap.” Alison said.

 

“It’s a start!” The Captain said.

 

As the 10th country voted Russia was back in the lead.

 

“How many times could they say ‘Alexander Rybak’ there?” Alison muttered.

 

“I don’t know, how many times could they say ‘Alexander Rybak’?” Mike asked.

 

“A lot, a lot they could say ‘Alexander Rybak’.” Alison laughed.

 

“Can I say ‘Alexander Rybak’?” Kitty giggled.

 

“I think everyone should say ‘Alexander Rybak’.” Alison beamed.

 

The points continued to come in and by the half-way point North Macedonia was in the lead.

 

“This is how it should be.” Fanny smirked. “A perfectly respectable performance winning.”

 

Thomas was pouting at the Netherlands being 6th. The Captain was pouting even more at Russia’s 5th placement.

 

By the time the voting ended nobody was happy.

 

“So that’s it. Sweden’s won.” The Captain grumbled.

 

“Not yet.” Alison said. “That was just the jury votes, not the public votes. That’s next.”

 

“Two sets of votes?”

 

“They were originally mixed together but that changed after the… Il Volo Incident.”

 

“I don’t think they changed it because of Il Volo.” Mike said.

 

“Il Volo happened, then they changed the voting system.” Alison tried to argue.

 

“The Il Volo Incident?” The Captain asked.

 

“Italy’s performance in 2015, they won the public vote but came third because the jury votes them so low.”

 

“Yeah, but, Russia won the public vote the year after and he came third too.” Mike pointed out.

 

“Point take.” Alison muttered.

 

The public vote started with Spain getting 53 points.

 

“Oh yay, Spain got a lot!” Kitty cheered.

 

Unfortunately the UK did not do so well.

 

“THREE points?!” The Captain shouted.

 

“Three?” Julian cried, “How did we get three?”

 

“Yeah, what I expected. I bet those three came from Ireland.” Mike muttered.

 

The points continued to go until they came to Norway.

 

Once again… Robin went absolutely feral as Norway for 291 points, sending them skyrocketing 1st place.

 

“That has to have won the public vote.” Alison said. “It must have.”

 

The points continued until Russia received 244 points.

 

“Yes!” The Captain shouted, leaping to his feet. “I told you Russia is the best!”

 

“The Netherlands hasn’t even gotten their points!” Thomas shouted back.

 

Their argument was blocked out by Pat clapping loudly as Italy suddenly went into 1st place.

 

“The Netherlands is next!” Thomas shouted at Pat. He span around back to the TV as the Netherlands was given 261 points. “Ha! Now we’re in 1st place. Russia is barely scraping into the top 5.”

 

The Captain stepped closer to Thomas, pointing his swagger stick at him. “Now, listen!”

 

The continued to argue as North Macedonia received their points.

 

“Oh my god, we get it, Sweden needs 253 to win, get on with it!” Julian shouted, causing the Captain and Thomas to jump apart before they could get into a fight.

 

Thomas snapped around to watch the TV just in time to see Sweden receive 93 points.

 

“Yessssss!” Thomas screamed as the Netherlands pod started to scream in celebration. “Yes!!! What did I say? Clearly the best performer!”

 

“I can’t believe Sergey Lazarev came third.” The Captain mumbled, dumbfounded.

 

“It’s worse than that, Cap.” Alison said, ignoring the look her gave her for calling him ‘Cap’. “Sergey’s performed for Russia before in 2016, and he came third there as well.”

 

“Preposterous.” The Captain muttered. He got up and crossed his arms. “I refuse to say any longer.” And with that he marched out the room.

 

“You’re just a poor loser!” Thomas shouted after him. He then turned back to the TV and clapped as Duncan Laurence started to perform again.

 

They watched for a bit in silence before Alison broke it.

 

“I wonder who won the public vote?” Alison asked.

 

“Mmm,” Mike mused. “I’m not too much of a fan of this new announcement system.”

 

“No, neither am I.” Alison muttered. She grabbed her phone and decided to look it up.

 

“Norway! I knew it!” She shouted as Duncan Laurence finished and Graham Norton said he’ll see everybody again next year in the Netherlands. “Norway did won the public vote!”

 

“Norway? Norway 5th.” Robin cried.

 

“Yes, they got a really low score from the jury so the public vote couldn’t save them.” Alison explained.

 

Robin frowned and gritted his teeth. “Kill the jury, Norway got robbed.”

 

“That is a… regular sentiment yes.” Alison said.

 

“Italy came second, good for him!” Pat cheered whilst Kitty clapped.

 

“He looks so happy!” Kitty said, beaming.

 

“Right,” Alison then said. “I think it’s time to go to bed.”

 

Mike yawned as reached for the rubbish.

 

“You go to bed, I’ll tidy up.” Alison said. Mike nodded and yawned before pottering our the room.

 

“Goodnight.” Pat called to Alison as he and the others left the room. Alison waved back at them.

 

“Oi! Come back, don’t go- no he’s gone again.”

 

“Sorry, Humphrey.” Alison said as she shoved everything into an empty crisp packet.

 

“No, no, it’s fine, it always happens.” Humphrey’s head muttered.

 

Alison picked up the last of the rubbish.

 

“Well, goodnight.” She said to Humphrey.

 

“Yeah, night.”

 

Alison left half of Humphrey on the floor and went to the kitchen. As she was stuffing things into the bin she saw the Captain enter the room out of the corner of her eye.

 

“Hi.” Alison muttered, a wave of tiredness washing over her. This night always took it out of her.

 

The Captain crossed his arms and grunted.

 

“Hey,” Alison said suddenly. “Do you wanna watch Sergey’s other Eurovision performance?”

 

The Captain paused for a moment before nodding.

 

Alison motioned and led him back to the living room.

 

“Hi again, Humphrey.” She said.

 

“Oh hi, not going to sleep yet?” Humphrey asked.

 

“Not quite yet.” Alison fiddled with the remote until she brought YouTube up. She found the song pretty quickly and she and the Captain sat down next to each other. The Captain paused for a second before picking Humphrey’s head up.

 

Alison pressed play and the performance started.

 

The Captain’s eyes lit up again and Alison bopped her head and beamed.

**Author's Note:**

> God I love Eurovision


End file.
